Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
