I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
