my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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