love makes seman taste better
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
