Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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