Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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