You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I have already put on my inside pants.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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