I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
