we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
