piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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