The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
