So drunk its hurt
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
