Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We are all done wearing pants today
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