I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
