Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
