I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
