My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
