I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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