Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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