what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
