Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
