drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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