I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
