idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
