i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
