Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she told me i tasted like america
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
