omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We left an ass print on the piano.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
