morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
