I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
