Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
