I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
