6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
