On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
