I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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