Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
