I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
ttyl tear gas
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
