So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize