I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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