They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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