I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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