New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize