Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
