I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
