To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
