Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize