Swine flu is the new snow day.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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