i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize