she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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