you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
