Rock
Scissors
Fuck
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
