Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
