im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
