Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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