Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
