She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
