I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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