he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
