I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
