and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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