I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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