I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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