stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
