just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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