We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
