you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
