we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
