i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
