I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
