I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
