Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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