hotel room ftw
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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