I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
