Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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