This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
