He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Randomize
