dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
