Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
