i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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