I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
