no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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