the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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