Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
