the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
