I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
