gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Pants are for mortals
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize