And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
