TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
