We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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