screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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