he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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