Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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