i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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