I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
