Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
